Wednesday, November 08, 2006

UAE flirting ... can you compete? HAHAHA

So conventional flirting and dating is so not our norm but you know how it is when too many rules and barriers are set up - you always FIGHT IT.

Arrghh yes, the boy meet girl, boy and girl fall in love concept here works a little differently than any other part of the world.

Let's take a loser look at the evolving flirting and dating game in the UAE. It's quite hilarious.

15 years ago:
  • girls not allowed to go out
  • pager system was in place - CELL PHONES, WHAT?
  • PLUMP girls were in fashion
  • See-through BLACK abayas were the 'IT' thing
  • Once a month dating (meaning the girl and the guy will look at each other from far away)
  • They will always meet either in a very public place and pass notes or the guys will take a taxi to get to their destination and the girls with their drivers to go "STUDY" (aweeeeeeeeeena) at some god forsakken place
  • The girl will always come with her cousin who somehow has a little freedom to go to the grocery store downstairs.
  • The guy will always come with his BEST FRIEND
  • The guys BEST FRIEND and the girls cousin will ALWAYS fall in love and want to get to know each other
  • The guy would probably jack off after that because he wanted to touch the girl so bad, but he could barely even see her
  • After 5 years of a love relationship where the couple have seen one another maybe 8 times, their counterparts (girls cousin and guys Best Friend) have already fucked somehow and usually in the BUMHOLE, the guy finally works up the gut to go propose to the girl
  • The girl cries and says "Ana Makhtooba" meaning, my family has already arranged for my marriage to my cousin
  • The guy's heart breaks and he fucks around
  • He learns what it's like to drink
  • Has "MAYLES" (majlis parties) and rents Chalets with his friends and they have "fucking'' orgies
  • The girl hates her husband and has 2 children from him and still calls her first love for a fuck

10 years ago

  • Same concept as five years ago
  • BUT ... cell phones come into the picture
  • Girls go to college (YAY - education is power)
  • Guys meet girls at their colleges when girl gets break from classes
  • They fuck at some random place
  • Guy drop her off at college all dishevelled
  • Guy has 4 other girlfriends coz now he has a cell phone
  • Girl feels guy has someone else on the side - fucks around
  • Both begin making excuses about not being able to see one other HER: College is getting tougher HIM: I have to help my dad with his business
  • OR the classic: her brother finds out and usually turns out the guy she's dating is friends with her brother
  • Girl gets a good AZZ whopping and I don't mean in a sexual way either - too bad the guy lives 3 houses down
  • Guy never drives down her house again
  • After 5 years, he says he has to marry some one his mom chooses, and she says she was never going to marry him anyway because she was always engaged to her cousin since she was 3 and half ...
  • Both have wedding party lights decorated around their homes ... for their own weddings

5 years ago:

  • Everything 15 years ago doesn't apply
  • But all the new things from 10 years ago apply
  • Guys now have balls to THROW their numbers on chits of paper whilst driving beside a group of girls, hoping one of the girls will pick up.
  • Or better yet in a mall
  • Guy is usually with friends
  • Girls usually on binge eating ...
  • Skinny is the new FAT - did you not know that!!!! (aghast)
  • Abayas are gaining color mometum
  • Guy thinks he is too kewl to be true because he studied in fucking BOSTON UNI - and he speaks english (with a less of an accent)
  • One girl will pick up the chit with the number and call the guy that threw it and say my friend likes you but I like your friend
  • They all hook up
  • They meet - ANYWHERE - USUALLY he picks her up coz he has a car now (YEAH!!! - fuck it)
  • They kiss on the first date
  • They've already had phone sex
  • They already said I LOVE YOU
  • They fuck but the 3rd date
  • It's a fucking relationship
  • Their friends have relationship problems
  • So each tries to solve it by calling the opposite sex and fixing it
  • They wind up liking their friends boyfriend/girlfriend
  • They secretly meet
  • They fuck
  • Some one finds out
  • They fight
  • Guy calls the girl a HOE
  • Girl says she never got attention from him like from his friends
  • Girls have a cat fight
  • Guys watch them when angry and then go back to being friends again
  • Guys move on
  • Girls cry
  • They don't speak
  • They see each other at weddings and call each other bitches and spread rumors about the other
  • They both show up for their exes weddings
  • The girls become LESBIANS
  • Then they get married - NOT to one another though (what a shame)

2 years ago:

  • Somewhat like 5 years ago except any girl accepting a guys number is a HOE and she knows he thinks that but she still does it
  • Abayas are barely on (barely a pin to hold them_ everything shows- but no Shaylas on the head ...
  • Sunglasses in the mall
  • Hair dyeing is a trend and it must be BLONDE streaks otherwise you are a loser
  • They fuck right away
  • They ditch
  • Who cares
  • The age of the bluetooth begins
  • He video tapes her
  • And forwards it to all the GUYS ...
  • No one want to marry her but everyone wants to fuck her

6 months ago:

  • Same as 5 years ago except GIRLS are throwing their numbers out and trying to get a fuck
  • Guys run away and go and complain to cops
  • Turns out he loves fucking lil' boys
  • You see him walking with his gay friends (he's the fucker and the pimp)
  • They have designs on their kandouras
  • No respect
  • No love
  • Just lust
  • Desperation levels increase in girls - no boyfriend, no marriage proposals ...

TODAY:

  • Girls and guys drive up and down streets flashing their latest Bentleys and Mercs with the coolest plate number
  • Usually Abu Dhabi guys ... now the Fujairah and RAK guys think they are super kewl
  • Roll down windows
  • Establish eye contact
  • Bluetooth or accept numbers
  • Talk late at night
  • Hate each others conversations
  • Move on
  • Guys resort to Iraqi and Moroccan HOES
  • Girls eat ice cream and talk about what losers guys are
  • Then they take out their dildos - the ones they bought from their European summer vacation and fuck the shit out of themselves

TOMORROW:

BOYAS! - 4th generation sex

TEThadoona?????

11 comments:

SuperNitfah said...

You've articulated it very well..! The fucked up situation is more or less the same, if not shittier, in Bahrain too.

SuperNitfah

El Manosanta said...

wow, very insightfull!

...yet i'm completely lost with sooo many workarounds...shoudn't it be easy to meet other ppl? :)

Cultures are so different...hollydays in a strange land was a really smart move.

Glad to know u r in da fight club!

Anonymous said...

Thats the most acurate presentation about flirting for the past decade and a half, i agree with supernitfa, its the same here in bahrain except the girls here are mitfa95at (min doon shatry y'know) :D :D

You should make a whole thesis about all this lol...

it's the first time i visit your blog and couldn't resist telling you how great it is ;)

keep up the good work ;)

hahahaha i still cant stop laughing!!!

wastedchix said...

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

that was sooooooooooo funny ..

ThunderCAT

InevitablyDooMeD said...

Heya Supernitfah - And I was hoping I could get me a Bahraini stud ... looks like my chances are getting slimmer on the Khaleeji perspective, may have to start looking for a zalame

el Manosanta - nice to c you're still around ...

i'm one of the true founding members of the fight club

..g.. - thanx sweets, the posts will keep coming.
i'm actually seriously thinking of writing a book, maybe an autobiography, I know it'll have tons of examples ...

just dunno if the Middle East will publish it though. might be a tad bit too much for them to handle.

much love

THUNDERCAT - my sweet dearest, @ least I got to make you smile.

check out the next post

biondi said...

loooooooooool....so funny but its true!

P.s. you missed an important part of today.. Girls dating foriegn guys "Italians/Lebanese"...it's in trend :P

brunette said...

this is soo fkn hiliriousssssss

Anonymous said...

loooooooooooooooooooooool...its not only in UAE its the exact thing all over the GCC..

;P

InevitablyDooMeD said...

biondi - there's so much more that happens and thanks for your input. I wanted people to have an overall jist of the datin game

brunette - glad it made you crack up

painted black - i'm sure it is, but i wouldn't want a Saudi or Qatari to diss me for saying something wrong, but hey, if it's the case all over then i hit the mark with one post. hehehe

Anonymous said...

haha..
i just wanted to say, i stumbled across ur blog, and it was great because altho i am not Emirati, i did my entire school in Dubai, and now I'm in uni in Canada and i miss it so much.
The dating thing is hilarious, my best friend is emirati and i have seen soo much of this drama.
Props, inevitablydoomed. The little insight to ur personal frustrations was interesting as well. take care

Dubai'sDramaDoll said...

merci Anonymous - I need to come back now. I dismissed my blog for a while

What do you think of my blog so far

About Me

My photo
Do you want to know what I think of myself? Or what others think of me? Or what I would like to think of myself? Or what I would like others to think of me as?