Sunday, December 30, 2007

Ana Emirati - an introduction to the male psyche

Hello fellow bloggers and readers,

Have you missed me? I sure have missed you. And I know I made promises that I never kept but the onset of 2008 has made me re evaluate my writing and you know what they say about girls who write and keep a record of it. "Good girls keep diaries; bad girls just go out and do IT"!

Well, at least that is my version of it.

So, what do I have in store for you? Let's see, there are so many things to cover but this one is dedicated to the Emirati men. Oh! The men of our beloved country who think they are the shit but have quite an arms length list of short comings.

Maybe some of these can be replicated on other Khaleeji men, but who I am to speak about them.

Plus, I am sure along the way, some weirdo with the nickname "Anonymous" is going to post some idiotic comment about me being lesbian or a feminist! If you really have the balls, show yourself.

(Cracking my knuckles and stretching my arms), here we go.

1. Emirati men will refer to themselves as LOCAL or "Ana Muwa6en" anywhere they go in the world. (the same applies for women of some sorts) but for some odd reason, its usually the men who embarrass us the most.
I'm sorry but Local of what country exactly? The last time I checked, this is the UAE unless we changed the name of the country to Local Arab Emirates.

2. Emirati men are bred in such a way whereby they are led to believe no matter how fat or ugly they are they will always get a women because of their family name, money or just for being plain stupid

3. When they are children, they experiment on beating, abusing, and sometimes even sexually molesting any animal or weaker creature to them such as cats, dogs, goats are a favorite fuck buddy, some have even developed a relationship with the abhorrent animals! Cats or birds usually get their tails chopped off, eyes poked out and thrown against a wall or anything else.

This by the way is a testament to how our men are such strong men! BARF!

Take them to fucking boxing ring, lets see how they fare then.

4. Previously, showing your penis to people meant you are a MAN! Nowadays, they have the sense that if their cocks are even smaller than their pea sized brains, they should keep in under covers.

5. The wizar - the white cloth tied around a mans waist under his kandoora (they dont wear any underwear at all) is used clean up anything! Such as:

a. Their snot if they sneeze
b. After they pee
c. After they cum
d. After the girl cums
e. After their goat cums
f. Sweat
g. Basically anything that is fluid based!

6. Emirati guys have no money! Seriously. As opposed to Qatar which has a lot more money than we do. Emirati men resort to taking ridiculously large amounts of loan from the bank to pay for the latest cars.
They drive around with 10 dirhams worth of petrol which they basically paid for by leaving their drivers lisence behind at the petrol station 2 minutes away from where they live. They then tell their house boys to go pay for the petrol and "mama will give you money back when your ma3ash comes out"

7. Most Emirati men will make no more than 30,000 AED per month until they die. This is because they believe since everything is giving them everything for free such as land, healthcare, the rest of their money can come through credit cards and loans and when they die, it is wiped away so no aspirations to make more money

8. Emirati men think "Hala Wallah", "Hala Sheikha", or anything that has a prefix of Hala is actually a good pick up line! They seriously think they are pimps and try their luck with anything that has a hole. Sometimes even men, sadly! These same men have gotten slapped, reported to the police, spat on and other derogatory things been done to them because of this trend.

9. Most Emirati men think that cruising up and down certain streets makes them well worthy of a boyfriend status. In their expensive, loaned cars, with their 10 dirhams a tank petrol.

10. These same men eat at mini cafeteria in the corner areas of Dubai with names such as "Jabal Al Noor" and "Cafeteria Antar" and order things like a jumbo shrimp sandwich which costs them 12 dirhams and comes with fries and the Bur Al Arab cocktail drink.

Then they get diarhoea!

11. Emirati men apparently cant fuck to save their lives. The reason for this is because they have no rhythm or dancing skills. Had they acquired these skills they would realize that not only their penises are small and purple looking but cannot function.

12. Which brings me to the dancing: moving your neck in a camel walking fashion while holding a stick is not dancing. Al Youla is a war dance not a fashion statement or the latest in hip hop dancing!

13. Having 20 white kandooras in a closet really does put a strain on your fashion sense, because never have I seen such ridiculous outfits than when an Emirati man puts on jeans/pants and shirt/tshirt. Everything is just so tight and the pants are elevated to the chest! And the hair partition is always to the side!

14. Not speaking English is condemned by Emirati females, however, speaking broken English is even worse. We are in 2008 - get into an English language program for Gods sake!

15. Your cousins and sisters are NOT virgins! Yes, so stop dissing the girls who don't wear abaya, or don't put a shayla on their head, or speak perfect English, or drive their own cars, travel alone without the embarrassing male companion, have their own businesses, or make more money than you.

I think I listed it all but there's room for more. Plus, I'm opening applications for a potential boyfriend/slash husband - if you are Emirati and don't fit any of the above listed, please contact me. I have hot friends too.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Why does it hurt so much ...

the two worst questions in a relationship that's falling apart or that's fallen apart is "WHY?" and/ or "WHAT's wrong with me?"

i've been through so much in my 24 years of existence that now when i look back i am not sure i should thank God for letting me go through all these experiences or hate myself for not being a better judge of character.

but my last experience with a guy made me such a bitter person and more angrier than ever before.
it seems no one is good enough or anyone that comes across will have to have something wrong with them and before trying out what could be a lasting and loving relationship, i reject it before the opportunity comes or i run away in fear that i will have the same experience.

everyone is different, but i am the same person and it seems that i never learn from my mistakes.

i get emotional very quickly and it affects such a big portion of my love life which in turn doesn't help get things patched up and better until it's too late.

i have been able to succeed in almost everything i set my mind or heart to do but in the love department; it's always been a failure.

why do i go for the guys that i know i will have no future with? or guys that will treat me badly? why cant i pick the normal ones, who treat me like a queen and respect me? instead, i'll choose the bastard i know i'm going to be unhappy with - the guy i am most incompatible with?

i'll get carried away by his charm and tantalizing smile only to cry later on and hate myself ...

it hurts so much because no matter how many lessons life teaches you, you'll never learn enough.

it hurts so much because no matter how much or how little you love someone, you are bound to lose them someday

it hurts because you know you could have been happier had you not taken the risk

but it hurts even more knowing you would always ask "WHAT IF ...?"

so i take the risk ... and i set my self up for pain ... hoping the more pain i go through, i'll finally be immune to it and be an ice cold bitch ...

Sunday, May 27, 2007

is it I, is it me, is it my ...

so, my fellow bloggers, i must apologize for abandoning you for as long as i have. i have so many things that i can attribute my lack of writing but i guess the trophy goes to the fact that i have been lazy.

much of the blame also goes to the fact that i haven't been able to put my thoughts together. it's been a rollercoaster first 6 months of 2007 and i'm sure the next half of the year will be just as crazy.

have i changed? yes ... i have ... from my hair color to who i've dated to increasing my friends circle to work achievements to family reunions ... it's been wild but most of the time in a good way.

i wanted to let you all know that i am back and i promise to keep a fortnight from each blog that i write from now on ...

watch out ... coz tomorrow i come with two insights that i promise will give you a look into my crazy yet exciting life ...

until then ...


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