Thursday, June 10, 2010

Confining thoughts to words to actions

I don't belong anywhere
but I do belong everywhere

Don't judge my taste in French fashion
or my cha7l'd eyes
Don't judge my non covered head
or my strut either
Especially my American accent
or my hiphop'd iPod

I don't belong to you
But I do belong to all

Don't judge my work ethics
or my pursuit to stand out and be better
Don't judge my international friends
or their hair, clothes and way they laugh
Particularly when they puff sheesha
or when we're traveling alone

I don't only belong to a community
but I belong to all societies

Don't judge my dislike for the same
When differences make a rainbow
Or when I walk or talk or sit with a boy
who isn't my mu7rem, husband or lil boy
Don't judge me cause
You see the world for what it is
When I see it for everything that it can be

I don't belong to your jailed thoughts
but I belong to the freedom of thoughts words and actions

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Highway of the 3 D’s – Depression, Droners & Drama

I always felt sorry for people driving back and forth on the Dubai-Abu Dhabi road, and never expected I would be one of thousands of commuters. Now, I find myself in that pool and I still feel sorry for myself. But I’m not dedicating this piece on the sad life of commuters.

Rather, it’s about the different faces and expressions I get to see every day going to work and home.

1. Everyone thinks he/she is a Sheikh or a VIP on the road and believe they must be on the left lane and its mostly people who drive no faster than 110 km/hr ... grrr

2. The “Schumacher” – this is the guy/girl who thinks they own the road and drive at a speed of 1000 km/hr flashing you from 5 km away and kisses the tails of your car. You never get to see this persons’ face because you’re too worried or annoyed and are thinking of how to move onto the next lane without dying

3. The “Droner” – this is the guy/girl who knows that the speed limit is up to 140/160 km/hr – yet they drive well below 20 kms less than the speed limit and people like the Schumacher almost ram up into them

4. The “Droner” and “Starrer” - this is the guy/girl who knows that the speed limit is up to 140/160 km/hr – yet they drive well below 20 kms less than the speed limit and when they move, they stare at you will angry eyes and mutter out some sort of curse word/s

5. The “La-di-da Droner” - this is the guy/girl who knows that the speed limit is up to 140/160 km/hr – yet they drive well below 20 kms less than the speed limit and just to annoy you a little bit more, will not move. So you don’t annoy him/her, they annoy you, cause you get so frustrated that anyway you take the next lane, pass them and drive in front them

6. The “Awena-you-think-you-can-race-me” – this guy/girl drives at the required speed limit but sometimes you wanna push yours and he/she sees that you want to do that so they purposely drive right in front of you at the same speed you are. If you decide to shift lanes and pass them, they’ll speed up and match your speed on the lane they are in and still manage to be in front of you.

7. The "I'll poke fun @ you" - this guy/girl will purposely wave you off and secretly laugh at you. Sometimes, this person comes in a pair or a group and the group turns around to look at you and poke at the window and laugh until you get pissed and switch lanes to overtake them

8. The "My sense of sound, seeing and motion are overly slow" - this person is usually the one with both hands on the wheel and sits upright and close to the steering wheel. 9 out 10 times, its a woman or someone from the Indian Subcontinent. You can flash them a kilometer away or tail them and it'll take them an hour to switch lanes - even when there is no one on the next lane!

9. The "I'll get creative" drivers - are those who put up fed ex envelopes, newspapers, clothes on their window to use as tint that will protect them from the sun. Fun


10. The "wild one" - I think I get classified in this category - this is the person who has breakfast in their car because we don't have time to eat at home and have to make it to work for an 8.30 am meeting. This is also the person who sings in their car or makes some sort of mouth movement (usually cursing out people who can't or don't know how to drive).

If you know of any others, pass them on ...

Monday, November 16, 2009

My favorite party girl

let's have a fag in a public place
Rerve up the engine so we can win the race

We'll make the guest list of the hippest club
All we need is to give hima few rubs

Round of shots - champagne too
Just don't spill it on my Choos

It we'd get called the "bitch in town"
Might as well do it in a Cavalli gown

Lets sway our behinds
Giving no one no mind

Let's flirt with all the boys
Make them our lil' toys

Curfews & parents
Are a few rules meant to be bent

We'll tell stories so good
Everyone'll get in the mood!!!

I got inspired to write this from people who live their lives like this - the infamous

Monday, April 06, 2009

What’s in a name? … Everything

She said his name …
And I, dreamy and non-chalant, never realized it’s the name I was meant to hear
And so she continued, as his name melted like Swiss chocolate on her lips
Was it the noise? Was it the people? I wasn’t listening
Who is he? Who cares?
What’s in a name?
What’s in his name?
She’s done talking and I’m done listening …
And I, forgot his name

She said his name …
And I, agreed with her … it is exotic … it is dreamy … he is dreamy
And so she continues, and as his name rolls off her tongue like a habit
I want his name to roll off my tongue …
The way she says his name, she can’t truly be his, can he truly be hers?
What’s that noise? My thoughts, my emotions?
Who cares? I do
Who is he? He is hers but not mine.
What do I do? Nothing …
She’s not done talking and I’m not done listening
And I say his name all the time

She said his name …
And I, excited and enthralled by this new found name and its meaning
And so she asked, and I answered and his name comes to me like a calling
What’s that noise? My heart pounding, my sweaty palms, the wind blowing
Who is he? He is who I want to be mine
Who cares? My entire universe
What do I do?
I speak his name
She’s listening and I continue talking
And now … I can’t stop saying his name

I say his name …
When I awake, when I fall asleep and everything in between
His name is the smile that draws itself on my face
His name is the rose color that colors my cheeks
His name is the flutter my eyelids makes
His name is the gleam in my eyes
His name is my Swiss chocolate I craved, and the habit I needed
What’s in a name?
What’s in his name?

… Everything

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Angry Lochaliya

In my "normal" life - the one that I lead that requires no anonymity, I have a good number of people who follow my work and would love to see what I come up with next.

However, in the blogging world, I am insignificant because there are so many out there who write better or even have a better story to tell.

It's been months! I believe 9 months to be exact since my last post which I did promise to update you but I never did. It wasn't a lie. I just wasn't so angry.

No, I didn't get married or have a baby. It's just been 9 months - not so much of bliss but loads of ups and downs.

Most of my posts are a way for me to vent out because I can't do it in normal circumstances and in the last couple of months, I have realized that I have a mountain list of things to vent out about so maybe I should use this forum to say what I feel.

Here it goes:

1. I h8 the fact the we (Dubai) claim to be a metropolitan and cosmopolitan city and yet cannot even produce world class calibre people.

2. All that glitters aint gold - that is for the real estate mambo jambo crap where the Dubai skyline is so glittery (on a non foggy day) yet they cannot provide access to people who have a handicap and do not care about the environment.

3. Brings me to the point of, why is it that the RTA was created 2 years ago - in 2007 - did we only start building roads in Dubai then?

4. People here can't drive worth of shit - two people to blame for this - people from the Indian subcontinent and WOMEN. I am a woman, but trust me, seeing some of the crap on the roads makes me wonder, did God make us without the driving chip?

5. I believe part of the reason for point 4 is that we teach people how to learn to drive on roads where the speedometer cannot go above 40 km/hr and then throw them out on to a highway where the speedlimit is 120 km/hr. It is about educating and we suck at it.

6. On education, what the hell does this Minister Haneef do? If they paid me half is salary which will still be less than what I am making now, I would still do a better and more efficient job.

7. I h8 how there is an amended law that prohibits us from seeking the truth when opening up the newspaper every morning. Everything is not rosy in sunny state Dubizz! In fact, it looks quite gloomy to me.

8. I h8 how many expatriates look at us Emiratis in the following ways:

a. The help me, you are local look!
b. The I h8 you locals because I want to be as rich as you look!
c. The I h8 you locals because you are so dumb - because I have worked for 20 years to be a manager and you worked only 2 look!

(on this above point - I will have to elaborate via a different post)

9. I h8 the fact that Emirati women have such little options to marry from. This is how I see it:

a. Eliminate anyone under 21
b. Eliminate anyone over 50
c. Eliminate non English men
d. Eliminate the mamas boys
e. Eliminate the show offs
f. Eliminate the gays
g. Eliminate the ones with small penises
h. Eliminates the liars, hypocrites, cheaters, bastards, etc.

And we are left with ... hmmm ... maybe 200 men! With no option to marry outsiders unless you are granted a special special from the Government or the Diwan (Sheikhs office).

Wow! Things are looking up for me. NOooooot!

10. The last thing I h8 is people who don't understand where I am coming from. Releasing thoughts is a good thing. For foreigners who read this and take it the wrong way, you are only hearing one girls point of view and many may disagree because they have a good story to tell - not that everything is rosy but still, it's not a bashing post. It's how I feel.

For the Emiratis or GCC Nationals who think I have no loyalty - well, let's see. I am willing to take a bullet for my country and I am willing to apologize and make mistakes because it is how we learn and grow up. If you can't do any of those, then you have no loyalty.

At the end, my loyalty is to Allah and my religion - no person or country's walls or boundaries define me.

I was made from nothing and I will go back to nothing

Monday, June 23, 2008

Another 6 months

Once again ... I have failed in providing you with the latest in my life and thoughts ...

It's been 6 months ... but better late than never.

i recently came back to my blog and noticed some idiots who have posted idiotic comments ... it's not that I care. I just mentioned it so that I can say that I have proven my point and I am proud that I was able to do so ...

So what have I been upto?

Work and family which have been the center of my existence and honestly, I am exhausted ... exhausted to the core of my being ... I am in dire need of a good and relaxing holiday.

Tell me ... how have you all been?

Missing me for sure ;)

Until my next post ... Keep it real

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Ana Emirati - an introduction to the male psyche

Hello fellow bloggers and readers,

Have you missed me? I sure have missed you. And I know I made promises that I never kept but the onset of 2008 has made me re evaluate my writing and you know what they say about girls who write and keep a record of it. "Good girls keep diaries; bad girls just go out and do IT"!

Well, at least that is my version of it.

So, what do I have in store for you? Let's see, there are so many things to cover but this one is dedicated to the Emirati men. Oh! The men of our beloved country who think they are the shit but have quite an arms length list of short comings.

Maybe some of these can be replicated on other Khaleeji men, but who I am to speak about them.

Plus, I am sure along the way, some weirdo with the nickname "Anonymous" is going to post some idiotic comment about me being lesbian or a feminist! If you really have the balls, show yourself.

(Cracking my knuckles and stretching my arms), here we go.

1. Emirati men will refer to themselves as LOCAL or "Ana Muwa6en" anywhere they go in the world. (the same applies for women of some sorts) but for some odd reason, its usually the men who embarrass us the most.
I'm sorry but Local of what country exactly? The last time I checked, this is the UAE unless we changed the name of the country to Local Arab Emirates.

2. Emirati men are bred in such a way whereby they are led to believe no matter how fat or ugly they are they will always get a women because of their family name, money or just for being plain stupid

3. When they are children, they experiment on beating, abusing, and sometimes even sexually molesting any animal or weaker creature to them such as cats, dogs, goats are a favorite fuck buddy, some have even developed a relationship with the abhorrent animals! Cats or birds usually get their tails chopped off, eyes poked out and thrown against a wall or anything else.

This by the way is a testament to how our men are such strong men! BARF!

Take them to fucking boxing ring, lets see how they fare then.

4. Previously, showing your penis to people meant you are a MAN! Nowadays, they have the sense that if their cocks are even smaller than their pea sized brains, they should keep in under covers.

5. The wizar - the white cloth tied around a mans waist under his kandoora (they dont wear any underwear at all) is used clean up anything! Such as:

a. Their snot if they sneeze
b. After they pee
c. After they cum
d. After the girl cums
e. After their goat cums
f. Sweat
g. Basically anything that is fluid based!

6. Emirati guys have no money! Seriously. As opposed to Qatar which has a lot more money than we do. Emirati men resort to taking ridiculously large amounts of loan from the bank to pay for the latest cars.
They drive around with 10 dirhams worth of petrol which they basically paid for by leaving their drivers lisence behind at the petrol station 2 minutes away from where they live. They then tell their house boys to go pay for the petrol and "mama will give you money back when your ma3ash comes out"

7. Most Emirati men will make no more than 30,000 AED per month until they die. This is because they believe since everything is giving them everything for free such as land, healthcare, the rest of their money can come through credit cards and loans and when they die, it is wiped away so no aspirations to make more money

8. Emirati men think "Hala Wallah", "Hala Sheikha", or anything that has a prefix of Hala is actually a good pick up line! They seriously think they are pimps and try their luck with anything that has a hole. Sometimes even men, sadly! These same men have gotten slapped, reported to the police, spat on and other derogatory things been done to them because of this trend.

9. Most Emirati men think that cruising up and down certain streets makes them well worthy of a boyfriend status. In their expensive, loaned cars, with their 10 dirhams a tank petrol.

10. These same men eat at mini cafeteria in the corner areas of Dubai with names such as "Jabal Al Noor" and "Cafeteria Antar" and order things like a jumbo shrimp sandwich which costs them 12 dirhams and comes with fries and the Bur Al Arab cocktail drink.

Then they get diarhoea!

11. Emirati men apparently cant fuck to save their lives. The reason for this is because they have no rhythm or dancing skills. Had they acquired these skills they would realize that not only their penises are small and purple looking but cannot function.

12. Which brings me to the dancing: moving your neck in a camel walking fashion while holding a stick is not dancing. Al Youla is a war dance not a fashion statement or the latest in hip hop dancing!

13. Having 20 white kandooras in a closet really does put a strain on your fashion sense, because never have I seen such ridiculous outfits than when an Emirati man puts on jeans/pants and shirt/tshirt. Everything is just so tight and the pants are elevated to the chest! And the hair partition is always to the side!

14. Not speaking English is condemned by Emirati females, however, speaking broken English is even worse. We are in 2008 - get into an English language program for Gods sake!

15. Your cousins and sisters are NOT virgins! Yes, so stop dissing the girls who don't wear abaya, or don't put a shayla on their head, or speak perfect English, or drive their own cars, travel alone without the embarrassing male companion, have their own businesses, or make more money than you.

I think I listed it all but there's room for more. Plus, I'm opening applications for a potential boyfriend/slash husband - if you are Emirati and don't fit any of the above listed, please contact me. I have hot friends too.

What do you think of my blog so far

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