Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Highway of the 3 D’s – Depression, Droners & Drama

I always felt sorry for people driving back and forth on the Dubai-Abu Dhabi road, and never expected I would be one of thousands of commuters. Now, I find myself in that pool and I still feel sorry for myself. But I’m not dedicating this piece on the sad life of commuters.

Rather, it’s about the different faces and expressions I get to see every day going to work and home.

1. Everyone thinks he/she is a Sheikh or a VIP on the road and believe they must be on the left lane and its mostly people who drive no faster than 110 km/hr ... grrr

2. The “Schumacher” – this is the guy/girl who thinks they own the road and drive at a speed of 1000 km/hr flashing you from 5 km away and kisses the tails of your car. You never get to see this persons’ face because you’re too worried or annoyed and are thinking of how to move onto the next lane without dying

3. The “Droner” – this is the guy/girl who knows that the speed limit is up to 140/160 km/hr – yet they drive well below 20 kms less than the speed limit and people like the Schumacher almost ram up into them

4. The “Droner” and “Starrer” - this is the guy/girl who knows that the speed limit is up to 140/160 km/hr – yet they drive well below 20 kms less than the speed limit and when they move, they stare at you will angry eyes and mutter out some sort of curse word/s

5. The “La-di-da Droner” - this is the guy/girl who knows that the speed limit is up to 140/160 km/hr – yet they drive well below 20 kms less than the speed limit and just to annoy you a little bit more, will not move. So you don’t annoy him/her, they annoy you, cause you get so frustrated that anyway you take the next lane, pass them and drive in front them

6. The “Awena-you-think-you-can-race-me” – this guy/girl drives at the required speed limit but sometimes you wanna push yours and he/she sees that you want to do that so they purposely drive right in front of you at the same speed you are. If you decide to shift lanes and pass them, they’ll speed up and match your speed on the lane they are in and still manage to be in front of you.

7. The "I'll poke fun @ you" - this guy/girl will purposely wave you off and secretly laugh at you. Sometimes, this person comes in a pair or a group and the group turns around to look at you and poke at the window and laugh until you get pissed and switch lanes to overtake them

8. The "My sense of sound, seeing and motion are overly slow" - this person is usually the one with both hands on the wheel and sits upright and close to the steering wheel. 9 out 10 times, its a woman or someone from the Indian Subcontinent. You can flash them a kilometer away or tail them and it'll take them an hour to switch lanes - even when there is no one on the next lane!

9. The "I'll get creative" drivers - are those who put up fed ex envelopes, newspapers, clothes on their window to use as tint that will protect them from the sun. Fun


10. The "wild one" - I think I get classified in this category - this is the person who has breakfast in their car because we don't have time to eat at home and have to make it to work for an 8.30 am meeting. This is also the person who sings in their car or makes some sort of mouth movement (usually cursing out people who can't or don't know how to drive).

If you know of any others, pass them on ...

Monday, November 16, 2009

My favorite party girl

let's have a fag in a public place
Rerve up the engine so we can win the race

We'll make the guest list of the hippest club
All we need is to give hima few rubs

Round of shots - champagne too
Just don't spill it on my Choos

It we'd get called the "bitch in town"
Might as well do it in a Cavalli gown

Lets sway our behinds
Giving no one no mind

Let's flirt with all the boys
Make them our lil' toys

Curfews & parents
Are a few rules meant to be bent

We'll tell stories so good
Everyone'll get in the mood!!!

I got inspired to write this from people who live their lives like this - the infamous

Monday, April 06, 2009

What’s in a name? … Everything

She said his name …
And I, dreamy and non-chalant, never realized it’s the name I was meant to hear
And so she continued, as his name melted like Swiss chocolate on her lips
Was it the noise? Was it the people? I wasn’t listening
Who is he? Who cares?
What’s in a name?
What’s in his name?
She’s done talking and I’m done listening …
And I, forgot his name

She said his name …
And I, agreed with her … it is exotic … it is dreamy … he is dreamy
And so she continues, and as his name rolls off her tongue like a habit
I want his name to roll off my tongue …
The way she says his name, she can’t truly be his, can he truly be hers?
What’s that noise? My thoughts, my emotions?
Who cares? I do
Who is he? He is hers but not mine.
What do I do? Nothing …
She’s not done talking and I’m not done listening
And I say his name all the time

She said his name …
And I, excited and enthralled by this new found name and its meaning
And so she asked, and I answered and his name comes to me like a calling
What’s that noise? My heart pounding, my sweaty palms, the wind blowing
Who is he? He is who I want to be mine
Who cares? My entire universe
What do I do?
I speak his name
She’s listening and I continue talking
And now … I can’t stop saying his name

I say his name …
When I awake, when I fall asleep and everything in between
His name is the smile that draws itself on my face
His name is the rose color that colors my cheeks
His name is the flutter my eyelids makes
His name is the gleam in my eyes
His name is my Swiss chocolate I craved, and the habit I needed
What’s in a name?
What’s in his name?

… Everything

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Angry Lochaliya

In my "normal" life - the one that I lead that requires no anonymity, I have a good number of people who follow my work and would love to see what I come up with next.

However, in the blogging world, I am insignificant because there are so many out there who write better or even have a better story to tell.

It's been months! I believe 9 months to be exact since my last post which I did promise to update you but I never did. It wasn't a lie. I just wasn't so angry.

No, I didn't get married or have a baby. It's just been 9 months - not so much of bliss but loads of ups and downs.

Most of my posts are a way for me to vent out because I can't do it in normal circumstances and in the last couple of months, I have realized that I have a mountain list of things to vent out about so maybe I should use this forum to say what I feel.

Here it goes:

1. I h8 the fact the we (Dubai) claim to be a metropolitan and cosmopolitan city and yet cannot even produce world class calibre people.

2. All that glitters aint gold - that is for the real estate mambo jambo crap where the Dubai skyline is so glittery (on a non foggy day) yet they cannot provide access to people who have a handicap and do not care about the environment.

3. Brings me to the point of, why is it that the RTA was created 2 years ago - in 2007 - did we only start building roads in Dubai then?

4. People here can't drive worth of shit - two people to blame for this - people from the Indian subcontinent and WOMEN. I am a woman, but trust me, seeing some of the crap on the roads makes me wonder, did God make us without the driving chip?

5. I believe part of the reason for point 4 is that we teach people how to learn to drive on roads where the speedometer cannot go above 40 km/hr and then throw them out on to a highway where the speedlimit is 120 km/hr. It is about educating and we suck at it.

6. On education, what the hell does this Minister Haneef do? If they paid me half is salary which will still be less than what I am making now, I would still do a better and more efficient job.

7. I h8 how there is an amended law that prohibits us from seeking the truth when opening up the newspaper every morning. Everything is not rosy in sunny state Dubizz! In fact, it looks quite gloomy to me.

8. I h8 how many expatriates look at us Emiratis in the following ways:

a. The help me, you are local look!
b. The I h8 you locals because I want to be as rich as you look!
c. The I h8 you locals because you are so dumb - because I have worked for 20 years to be a manager and you worked only 2 look!

(on this above point - I will have to elaborate via a different post)

9. I h8 the fact that Emirati women have such little options to marry from. This is how I see it:

a. Eliminate anyone under 21
b. Eliminate anyone over 50
c. Eliminate non English men
d. Eliminate the mamas boys
e. Eliminate the show offs
f. Eliminate the gays
g. Eliminate the ones with small penises
h. Eliminates the liars, hypocrites, cheaters, bastards, etc.

And we are left with ... hmmm ... maybe 200 men! With no option to marry outsiders unless you are granted a special special from the Government or the Diwan (Sheikhs office).

Wow! Things are looking up for me. NOooooot!

10. The last thing I h8 is people who don't understand where I am coming from. Releasing thoughts is a good thing. For foreigners who read this and take it the wrong way, you are only hearing one girls point of view and many may disagree because they have a good story to tell - not that everything is rosy but still, it's not a bashing post. It's how I feel.

For the Emiratis or GCC Nationals who think I have no loyalty - well, let's see. I am willing to take a bullet for my country and I am willing to apologize and make mistakes because it is how we learn and grow up. If you can't do any of those, then you have no loyalty.

At the end, my loyalty is to Allah and my religion - no person or country's walls or boundaries define me.

I was made from nothing and I will go back to nothing

What do you think of my blog so far

About Me

My photo
Do you want to know what I think of myself? Or what others think of me? Or what I would like to think of myself? Or what I would like others to think of me as?