Sunday, December 30, 2007

Ana Emirati - an introduction to the male psyche

Hello fellow bloggers and readers,

Have you missed me? I sure have missed you. And I know I made promises that I never kept but the onset of 2008 has made me re evaluate my writing and you know what they say about girls who write and keep a record of it. "Good girls keep diaries; bad girls just go out and do IT"!

Well, at least that is my version of it.

So, what do I have in store for you? Let's see, there are so many things to cover but this one is dedicated to the Emirati men. Oh! The men of our beloved country who think they are the shit but have quite an arms length list of short comings.

Maybe some of these can be replicated on other Khaleeji men, but who I am to speak about them.

Plus, I am sure along the way, some weirdo with the nickname "Anonymous" is going to post some idiotic comment about me being lesbian or a feminist! If you really have the balls, show yourself.

(Cracking my knuckles and stretching my arms), here we go.

1. Emirati men will refer to themselves as LOCAL or "Ana Muwa6en" anywhere they go in the world. (the same applies for women of some sorts) but for some odd reason, its usually the men who embarrass us the most.
I'm sorry but Local of what country exactly? The last time I checked, this is the UAE unless we changed the name of the country to Local Arab Emirates.

2. Emirati men are bred in such a way whereby they are led to believe no matter how fat or ugly they are they will always get a women because of their family name, money or just for being plain stupid

3. When they are children, they experiment on beating, abusing, and sometimes even sexually molesting any animal or weaker creature to them such as cats, dogs, goats are a favorite fuck buddy, some have even developed a relationship with the abhorrent animals! Cats or birds usually get their tails chopped off, eyes poked out and thrown against a wall or anything else.

This by the way is a testament to how our men are such strong men! BARF!

Take them to fucking boxing ring, lets see how they fare then.

4. Previously, showing your penis to people meant you are a MAN! Nowadays, they have the sense that if their cocks are even smaller than their pea sized brains, they should keep in under covers.

5. The wizar - the white cloth tied around a mans waist under his kandoora (they dont wear any underwear at all) is used clean up anything! Such as:

a. Their snot if they sneeze
b. After they pee
c. After they cum
d. After the girl cums
e. After their goat cums
f. Sweat
g. Basically anything that is fluid based!

6. Emirati guys have no money! Seriously. As opposed to Qatar which has a lot more money than we do. Emirati men resort to taking ridiculously large amounts of loan from the bank to pay for the latest cars.
They drive around with 10 dirhams worth of petrol which they basically paid for by leaving their drivers lisence behind at the petrol station 2 minutes away from where they live. They then tell their house boys to go pay for the petrol and "mama will give you money back when your ma3ash comes out"

7. Most Emirati men will make no more than 30,000 AED per month until they die. This is because they believe since everything is giving them everything for free such as land, healthcare, the rest of their money can come through credit cards and loans and when they die, it is wiped away so no aspirations to make more money

8. Emirati men think "Hala Wallah", "Hala Sheikha", or anything that has a prefix of Hala is actually a good pick up line! They seriously think they are pimps and try their luck with anything that has a hole. Sometimes even men, sadly! These same men have gotten slapped, reported to the police, spat on and other derogatory things been done to them because of this trend.

9. Most Emirati men think that cruising up and down certain streets makes them well worthy of a boyfriend status. In their expensive, loaned cars, with their 10 dirhams a tank petrol.

10. These same men eat at mini cafeteria in the corner areas of Dubai with names such as "Jabal Al Noor" and "Cafeteria Antar" and order things like a jumbo shrimp sandwich which costs them 12 dirhams and comes with fries and the Bur Al Arab cocktail drink.

Then they get diarhoea!

11. Emirati men apparently cant fuck to save their lives. The reason for this is because they have no rhythm or dancing skills. Had they acquired these skills they would realize that not only their penises are small and purple looking but cannot function.

12. Which brings me to the dancing: moving your neck in a camel walking fashion while holding a stick is not dancing. Al Youla is a war dance not a fashion statement or the latest in hip hop dancing!

13. Having 20 white kandooras in a closet really does put a strain on your fashion sense, because never have I seen such ridiculous outfits than when an Emirati man puts on jeans/pants and shirt/tshirt. Everything is just so tight and the pants are elevated to the chest! And the hair partition is always to the side!

14. Not speaking English is condemned by Emirati females, however, speaking broken English is even worse. We are in 2008 - get into an English language program for Gods sake!

15. Your cousins and sisters are NOT virgins! Yes, so stop dissing the girls who don't wear abaya, or don't put a shayla on their head, or speak perfect English, or drive their own cars, travel alone without the embarrassing male companion, have their own businesses, or make more money than you.

I think I listed it all but there's room for more. Plus, I'm opening applications for a potential boyfriend/slash husband - if you are Emirati and don't fit any of the above listed, please contact me. I have hot friends too.

What do you think of my blog so far

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