Monday, December 18, 2006

fUll brAzIlIAn wAx ... OUch!

I'm not quite sure when the concept of hair removal came into place and I don't care now - at least not anymore!
But I had one of the worst experiences just a few days ago after getting a full BRAZILIAN done on me and I'm still recuperating from the burning injuries I sustained.
If you don't know what a Brazilian is, stop reading now!
So ladies, keep that skin so fresh and so clean and pulled till it becomes loose by the time you turn 35.5
Now, for all you men out there, here's a preview of the pain we go through:

Step 1: a girl must first locate a good wax place. Usually the "kahyan" places have the best waxers from India or Vietnam or something like that. STOP BELIEVING that the Burj Al Arab hotel has the best salon! Because it doesn't!
Step 2: if a girl doesn't find a good waxer place, please get a recommendation of a good waxer place from a minimum of 5 people, not your mom's friends cousin's daughter!

Step 3: make sure you wear nice cotton underwear, not a silk thong ok? this is not a sex freak show, and you need to be comfortable and not have strings all up in your coochie and asshole

Step 4: your waxer will see your vagina! repeat that in your head as many times as possible because it is the reality

Step 5: relax your muscles ... think of that boyfriend or that one night stand you had that gets you wet every time - just don't wet the flat bed you're laying on and scare the shit out of your waxer

Step 6: be prepared to stretch your legs as your waxer demands and in any position she demands.

Again! This is not a sex show - if you think this is PORN, please leave my blog

Step 7: your waxer will massage warm wax on a small area of your vagina and then rip the hairs out

NOTE: Yes, it hurts like a bitch for the first 25 times ...

Step 8: she moves closer to your vagina lips

Step 9: she asks you to gently hold back your clitoris on one side while she rips more hair out

Step 10: hold your clitoris on the opposite side, and the process continues

Step 11: Btw, you're agonizing in pain now ...

Turn around ...

Step 12: Put each one of your hands on each one of your butt cheeks

And open wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide ...

(Khaleeji boyz, don't get any ideas!!!)

Step 13: This process actually is better than vagina waxing coz there's more meat

And voila ... your ass is cleaned up

Step 14: All along this procedure (as I would like to call it) your waxer will pat your vagina and blow on it like she's patting a baby's BUTT ... As if!!!

After the feeling of being violated even though nothing has been inserted or penetrated in any of your holes ...

you walk out of the room like you've been raped by 5 men and more so like a GAY mid south cow boy but missing the cow boy hat ...

All for a clean cut and look ...


It's worth it ... 3 weeks of a hairless vagina and it looks like a shaved persian cat

But the more you do it, the longer it takes to grow back ...

The one thing that gets me though is that there is always some sort of world or oriental (supposedly soothing) music playing with birds chripring, water waves, and some sort of flute, but that shit doesn't help the pain disappear ...

So men, if you've been grossed out by this, appreciate your women more


And women, I love you ...
don't only do it for the men in your lives ... do it for the breezy feeling you get after you get numb from the pain ...
you never know - your man might appreciate it so much, he might get a wax job done too
dOOmEd OUt


Twix said...

I thinked i just peed in my pants, not sure of laughter or of fear. Got imagine the wax pulling off my sack.. never mind..

I soo did not need to read this. For sooo many wrong reasons :p

InevitablyDooMeD said...

Never took you for one who couldn't handle it twix ;)

and maybe you'll tell me what those wrong reasons are buddy

Dotsson said...

Jesus Christ woman! That shit was mind blowing!

Didn't know you women had to go through so much pain. Am I the only one who says a little hair never hurt anyone?

lizardo said...

Didn't know you women had to go through so much pain. Am I the only one who says a little hair never hurt anyone?


SuperNitfah said...


Tariq said...

Where does the line start for this? Woman, you made it sound like it was the equivalent of volunteering for a slave labor camp where they experiment on people. If that is the case, grow a bush.
hahaha. See you soon little lady.

Dyke In Saudi said...


Lamya said...

Its true. Yes it is that painful.Oh..and by d way boys thats after we had our legs,under arms, arms,lip and eyebrows waxed.. *flexes my french manicure*...Now who is d weaker sex again?

aMaL said...

it actually convinced me to get one!

wastedchix said...

LoooooL U ROCK !!!!

"Step 5: relax your muscles ... think of that boyfriend or that one night stand you had that gets you wet every time - just don't wet the flat bed you're laying on and scare the shit out of your waxer"
totally true n it works !

P.S. lazer Therapy aint bad , it'll take 6-8 session and u r 90% hair free!


Anonymous said...

hey..... jus read ur article..... pretty convincing..... can u tell me da saloons in dubai where i can get brazilian wax done????? plz post ur comment as soon as possible....

InevitablyDooMeD said...

Hey dotsson - there's so much to unfold, too little time and yes, alot of pain ... without a little pain, there ain't no gain

LIZARDO - check out what I just told dotsson

supaniftah --- supa dupa ouchness!

TAROOOQ! - wtf, when did u get a blog ... gosh ... i can't talk about my kinky stuff now

dyke in Saudi - now you know what your gf goes through

Lamya - girl, i'm glad you said it because no one else would have ... yeah!

Amal - actually, you should try but please don't cuss me out when you do. it's a real bitch but you feel amazing after the pain goes away

Wasted - I love you ... you are my girls bas LASER! Um ... I'm afraid they'll laser something off that I might need later on. i'll stick to pain for the time being

To Anonymous you can visit SISTERS LOUNGE in the VILLAGE MALL on Jumeirah road

JЗωЄL® said...

The funniest part is when you attempt to walk after the experience.. You have this puzzled look on your face, you walk with ur feet wide apart, it's like when guys get freshly circumcized LOL

xxx Candy xxx said...

looool...hilarious description of the whole waxing process...advice boy n girls b4 waxing: use emla cream (u can get it from da pharmacy) apply a thick layer and leave it for 1.5 hrs...numbs the area u wanna wax and u'll feel only 10% of the pain...y'll thank me! :p GOOD LUCK!

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Dubai'sDramaDoll said...

Jewel - so true ... its like an "Alice in Wonderland" experience.

Candy - EMLA does nothing for me. But i guess after 6 years, Im ok now.

Thankx to all the Anonymous anonymous messages

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

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Misha said...

What salon did you get the wax done at?

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