Sunday, December 30, 2007

Ana Emirati - an introduction to the male psyche

Hello fellow bloggers and readers,

Have you missed me? I sure have missed you. And I know I made promises that I never kept but the onset of 2008 has made me re evaluate my writing and you know what they say about girls who write and keep a record of it. "Good girls keep diaries; bad girls just go out and do IT"!

Well, at least that is my version of it.

So, what do I have in store for you? Let's see, there are so many things to cover but this one is dedicated to the Emirati men. Oh! The men of our beloved country who think they are the shit but have quite an arms length list of short comings.

Maybe some of these can be replicated on other Khaleeji men, but who I am to speak about them.

Plus, I am sure along the way, some weirdo with the nickname "Anonymous" is going to post some idiotic comment about me being lesbian or a feminist! If you really have the balls, show yourself.

(Cracking my knuckles and stretching my arms), here we go.

1. Emirati men will refer to themselves as LOCAL or "Ana Muwa6en" anywhere they go in the world. (the same applies for women of some sorts) but for some odd reason, its usually the men who embarrass us the most.
I'm sorry but Local of what country exactly? The last time I checked, this is the UAE unless we changed the name of the country to Local Arab Emirates.

2. Emirati men are bred in such a way whereby they are led to believe no matter how fat or ugly they are they will always get a women because of their family name, money or just for being plain stupid

3. When they are children, they experiment on beating, abusing, and sometimes even sexually molesting any animal or weaker creature to them such as cats, dogs, goats are a favorite fuck buddy, some have even developed a relationship with the abhorrent animals! Cats or birds usually get their tails chopped off, eyes poked out and thrown against a wall or anything else.

This by the way is a testament to how our men are such strong men! BARF!

Take them to fucking boxing ring, lets see how they fare then.

4. Previously, showing your penis to people meant you are a MAN! Nowadays, they have the sense that if their cocks are even smaller than their pea sized brains, they should keep in under covers.

5. The wizar - the white cloth tied around a mans waist under his kandoora (they dont wear any underwear at all) is used clean up anything! Such as:

a. Their snot if they sneeze
b. After they pee
c. After they cum
d. After the girl cums
e. After their goat cums
f. Sweat
g. Basically anything that is fluid based!

6. Emirati guys have no money! Seriously. As opposed to Qatar which has a lot more money than we do. Emirati men resort to taking ridiculously large amounts of loan from the bank to pay for the latest cars.
They drive around with 10 dirhams worth of petrol which they basically paid for by leaving their drivers lisence behind at the petrol station 2 minutes away from where they live. They then tell their house boys to go pay for the petrol and "mama will give you money back when your ma3ash comes out"

7. Most Emirati men will make no more than 30,000 AED per month until they die. This is because they believe since everything is giving them everything for free such as land, healthcare, the rest of their money can come through credit cards and loans and when they die, it is wiped away so no aspirations to make more money

8. Emirati men think "Hala Wallah", "Hala Sheikha", or anything that has a prefix of Hala is actually a good pick up line! They seriously think they are pimps and try their luck with anything that has a hole. Sometimes even men, sadly! These same men have gotten slapped, reported to the police, spat on and other derogatory things been done to them because of this trend.

9. Most Emirati men think that cruising up and down certain streets makes them well worthy of a boyfriend status. In their expensive, loaned cars, with their 10 dirhams a tank petrol.

10. These same men eat at mini cafeteria in the corner areas of Dubai with names such as "Jabal Al Noor" and "Cafeteria Antar" and order things like a jumbo shrimp sandwich which costs them 12 dirhams and comes with fries and the Bur Al Arab cocktail drink.

Then they get diarhoea!

11. Emirati men apparently cant fuck to save their lives. The reason for this is because they have no rhythm or dancing skills. Had they acquired these skills they would realize that not only their penises are small and purple looking but cannot function.

12. Which brings me to the dancing: moving your neck in a camel walking fashion while holding a stick is not dancing. Al Youla is a war dance not a fashion statement or the latest in hip hop dancing!

13. Having 20 white kandooras in a closet really does put a strain on your fashion sense, because never have I seen such ridiculous outfits than when an Emirati man puts on jeans/pants and shirt/tshirt. Everything is just so tight and the pants are elevated to the chest! And the hair partition is always to the side!

14. Not speaking English is condemned by Emirati females, however, speaking broken English is even worse. We are in 2008 - get into an English language program for Gods sake!

15. Your cousins and sisters are NOT virgins! Yes, so stop dissing the girls who don't wear abaya, or don't put a shayla on their head, or speak perfect English, or drive their own cars, travel alone without the embarrassing male companion, have their own businesses, or make more money than you.


I think I listed it all but there's room for more. Plus, I'm opening applications for a potential boyfriend/slash husband - if you are Emirati and don't fit any of the above listed, please contact me. I have hot friends too.

22 comments:

Need to Breathe said...

I'm laughing so much I'm CRYING.

My favorites are No. 5 and 11!

Oh and of course the elevated trousers one! LOOOL

From your lack of Comments, my sentiments on the state of men in this coutry are confirmed!

Good luck to all of us!

UAE Blondie said...

Hahahahahahahaha OMG... I love it!... I especially love the applications part... How funny!!!... Maybe itll become a GetMarried cupid type of dating service and eventually some worthwhile applicants will come through and we'll all get married... :P...

Lets see... Im pretty excited for yeeew :P...

InevitablyDooMeD said...

Need to breathe - thanks for leaving ur mark on my blog. And yes, good luck to us all.

UAE Blondie - I think I'll stay celebant for the rest of my life is this is the gene pool we have to pick from. Lol

Kiss kiss

MAK said...

wow so much hatred huh ... while I do agree that many are the way you describe them, I would lik eto say that thre is another side too. There are those who make the UAE proud and have values and traits that make them the envy of any man anywhere in the world.

In my opinion, eventhough these "shortcomings" do exist, they should not be openly spokn about. This makes it the "norm" when it really isnt. The greater effects that could have on society is more detremental !!!

The last thing you want is everyone to be following those trends. Now, we can always advice and identify the problem but diss without offering solutions isnt the way ,,, other than that bravo ;)

كل أمتي معافًى إلا المجاهرين، وإن من المجاهرة، أن يعمل الرجل بالليل عملا ثم يصبح وقد ستره ربه، فيقول: يا فلان، قد عملتُ البارحة كذا وكذا. وقد بات يستره ربه، ويصبح يكشف ستر الله عنه) [البخاري].

ومن ستـر مسلمًا ستره الله يـوم القيامة [البخاري.

Mohammed said...

By th eway I share the same opinion for the book "banat arriyadh"

Anonymous said...

I like the writin.... bas.... Who cares about English.... the way i see it.... if someone can speak English it means nothin.... intellectuality comes from knowledge and the use of our brains to work in a fruitful manner.... just cuz someone can't speak good English doesn't mean anything.... for all i knw those who try to show they have half a brain cuz they speak a language that is not even ours is sad.... Our language is the language of poetry, of beauty, of great writers and writings.... We should learn Arabic and read more of it, rather than read translations of these books, that until today move hearts and shake souls....

ASL DUBAI said...

Hey Gal,

You have amazing artciles here.I was reading through so many issue you wrote and figured exactly what I would have loved to say.

I am a Businessman in Dubai and I have seen more than what you just said.

The truth must be said.

Did you talk about lesbians(UAE) here?

NON UR BUSI said...

Fuck you crazy freak.....
You r happy because you know some English...
Dont ever talk about UAE people as they are stupid.....
Its not UAE problem if your sister is a whore and dont wear abaya...
I know why..
You dont have the free things that UAE people have as free health care and free house and the good salary.
So fuck off .
About UAE people dont wear underwear how did you know?
Did you check all UAE people
if they wear underwear by sucking thier dick LOL ....
You know nothing bitchh nothing...
uae blonde is a fucking Irani
And the other who agreed with you dont have a any idea about UAE ...
ASL DUBAI you r a fackig pig working in dubai and agreed withhim that fucking faggit who thinks that if he know some english he will be a F differnt ...
no your not you fucking black..hairy..biitcch...
HOW PITY LOL ....
ALL OF YOU HOW PITY...
YOU ALL PEOPLE WHO WE CALLED HIM
(((HATERS)) DONT HAVE A REAL UAE PASSPORT LOL

ihsan said...

i need good frined i m ihsan 25 year old m from sharjah uae can you make me your frined if ok call me +971 50 8962427 mail me(ullahihsanwhp@yahoo.com)

Dubai'sDramaDoll said...

Alrighty then! Crack my knuckles again ...

MAK - you are a dear and you know I love you loads. And yes, I do agree with you that there are good people and you are one of them But honestly, if you speak to half of the women here as much as I do, you would have the same sentiments.
If you have any advice for these lost souls that any of us could use, I would publish them gladly, But thank you for posting a comment and the little praise I got.
YAY!

Mohammed - sadly, I agree too

Anonymous - the English part is just a smalll fraction of the insights we have recieved. We do everything on a global front and yet our human capital is lacking - badly I must say.
The Government is not the only ones who should be initiating programs. Our men and ofcourse women sometimes too, fail to take these initiatives into consideration and try to better the society they are living in.
And yes, besides learning the English language, our Arabic has to be exceptional and we should constantly improving on it.
it's a shame that not only do we not speak one language properly to move us further to the 21st century, but we condemn those who have mastered the language ...

ASL - I don't know anything about any lesbians for that matter

Now, for Non ur busi ...

You are the IDIOT here.
You are exactly the type of guy that I have mentioned in my blog and frankly you are a loser.
My salary is definitely more than yours. I have a free house, healthcare and a great job and you will never be better than me because I am more Arab than you are so don't even try to blog because you sound stupid. A passport is just a book for your information, it doesn't define who you are.
Do not come to my blog page and insult people who do have a brain and an opinion because you certainly do no qualify in that department.

Go learn how to think before you speak or write ...

Dubai'sDramaDoll said...

Ihsan ... this is not a 1-800-call a girl center ...

take your crap somewhere else

Hamad Balucci said...

Hello, I know this is really belated as I can see this post is seven months old. If you have to know I came across it while surfing some blogs from the GCC region just blogroll hopping.

It is bold to write what you wrote. I admire that. I believe the voices of social dissent are rising in this area and its about time. We are still waiting for our May 1968.

The writing style is very enjoyable. I can tell as as I am being trained to be an authority on the English Letter. Do please keep posting more.

I have sifted through the comments and they are hilarious. The one that really caught me is the guy who quoted Bukhari quoting Mohammed. And the other schmucks who think that mastering the lingua franca isn't important. It is sad to see that they consider their languages somewhat equivalent of English. To them I say show me any significant work of literature printed in your languages be it Arabic or anything else. Untill the World Trade Organization declares that your language is official. You'll have to stick with English, French and Spanish. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Lol girl!!! ROTFLMAO!!! You are one brave babe. Proud of ya. I had a recentI'm a 36 year old mum of a lovely girl. I'd love to stir a stormy passionate dissection of the world with you. Up to it? I have a blog but it isn't open to public. So I'll post as anonymous. But you know it ain't some idiot nitwit :-)

Anonymous said...

Sorry about that half sentence in between. I am loving your spirit!! Celebrate!! About the heartaches? They are the Brazilian Wax for the soul (loved that post). The pain is blinding....but it's worth it. Because you learn to separate the wheat from the chafe. I wish you peace and love. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Well this is outstanding - excellently written. I will post it on my Twitter account if you allow:))

Dubai'sDramaDoll said...

Hamad, why thank you. *blush* I believe speaking your mind is the only way to attain totaly freedom of speech and its an opinion and doesn't justify the thoughts of all but then again, its only the different minded people who think above and beyond the norm.

Anonymous Mom - thank you for passing by my page. It needs a serious update. I've been so lazy and overly procrastinating. Bas Ill restart. Btw - did you try adding me on MSN? Not sure if you are the Rachel lady.

Anonymous who wants to post on twitter - please feel free. Just make sure its attributed to Dubai'sDramaDoll :)

Chicka Emmar said...

Iv spent the last two years looking back on your blog each time trying to figure out if at least one of these points might lack a little truth.....or more exaggeration. Truth be it every time i fail...I LOVE IT lol, even though i have many Emirati friends (male & female) and also know female friends of mine whom have married ''locals'' i can always match one of these points to at least one of my aquaintences lol whether they are here in London or in the UAE lol.

You have a brilliant and bold way of writing, and im tempted to put this link on my FB page but im soooo sure i will get alot of stigma from my friends list so im just gonna save it for when i need a little giggle.

Do you have msn ... i always need chicka's like you to have a giggle with :)

amer said...

Hello,

Your article about Emirati men is very funny wallah, and has a lot of truth into it.

I'd like to salute you for being a brave Emirati who'd rather "speak out" than just staying in your comfort zone by conforming with the society in their sh*t.
I can easily relate to your articles/stories, as an Emirati who has lived in this complicated and hypocrite society for most of my life.

I wish you all the best and keep writing.

Anonymous said...

Drama Doll!

I came home in a totally p****d off mood, miserable and ticked off with the world and men in general.

And no, my mood isn't caused by romantic issues but actually work issues, caused by men - the retards!

So...I decided to browse the web and stumbled upon yourr blog.

You ae incredible...you have managed to capture the essence of Emirati men....I was screaming with laughter! LOL

I'n a western expat but I tend to date 'Locals' - call me crazy...but I find that the older, more educated professional guys are very gentle and kind BUT that said, I actually agreed with every single one of your points ;-)

You are brilliant and without being patronising, your command of the English language is nothing short of amazing (that said from someone who has lived in this country for 10 years and is ashamed to say, doesn't speak Arabic).

Anyway, you go Girl!

Good luck to you.

and thanks for the laugh! Mwah

adnan said...

I'm surprised and impressed. To be honest, I stumbled on your blog by googling "brazillian waxing in dubai". And while your post on the subject has cured me of any distant desire to get one (yes, I'm a bit off the beaten path to begin with), your other posts, particularly this one, are just excruciatingly entertaining. I've been working here for 2 years, have a few quasi-local friends, and while I don't know if they wear underwear or not, nor in most cases do I have any particular desire to find out, I haven't come across anyone who can match your humour and your flair. Bravo!

Dubai'sDramaDoll said...

thank you all for your comments. if you're trying to add me on msn, please mention that or drop me an email. its always better

Anonymous said...

I read about it some days ago in another blog and the main things that you mention here are very similar

What do you think of my blog so far

About Me

My photo
Do you want to know what I think of myself? Or what others think of me? Or what I would like to think of myself? Or what I would like others to think of me as?