Why does it hurt so much ...

the two worst questions in a relationship that's falling apart or that's fallen apart is "WHY?" and/ or "WHAT's wrong with me?"

i've been through so much in my 24 years of existence that now when i look back i am not sure i should thank God for letting me go through all these experiences or hate myself for not being a better judge of character.

but my last experience with a guy made me such a bitter person and more angrier than ever before.
it seems no one is good enough or anyone that comes across will have to have something wrong with them and before trying out what could be a lasting and loving relationship, i reject it before the opportunity comes or i run away in fear that i will have the same experience.

everyone is different, but i am the same person and it seems that i never learn from my mistakes.

i get emotional very quickly and it affects such a big portion of my love life which in turn doesn't help get things patched up and better until it's too late.

i have been able to succeed in almost everything i set my mind or heart to do but in the love department; it's always been a failure.

why do i go for the guys that i know i will have no future with? or guys that will treat me badly? why cant i pick the normal ones, who treat me like a queen and respect me? instead, i'll choose the bastard i know i'm going to be unhappy with - the guy i am most incompatible with?

i'll get carried away by his charm and tantalizing smile only to cry later on and hate myself ...

it hurts so much because no matter how many lessons life teaches you, you'll never learn enough.

it hurts so much because no matter how much or how little you love someone, you are bound to lose them someday

it hurts because you know you could have been happier had you not taken the risk

but it hurts even more knowing you would always ask "WHAT IF ...?"

so i take the risk ... and i set my self up for pain ... hoping the more pain i go through, i'll finally be immune to it and be an ice cold bitch ...